As the confetti settles and the holiday decorations are packed away, the start of a new year often brings with it a sense of exhaustion. The hustle and bustle of the festive season – hosting the perfect party, finding the right gifts, or staging the ideal holiday mise-en-scène – can leave us feeling drained. And just when we think we can catch our breath, popular culture steps in with a new set of demands: the New Year's resolutions. These self-imposed marching orders to improve ourselves, often with a focus on health, can feel like yet another mountain to climb. But what if the solution to better health – mental, emotional, and physical – lies not in doing more, but in doing less and learning to let go, even just a little?

Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, a clinical psychologist at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, author, and self-described perfectionist, understands this struggle all too well. "I would say most of my clients come in with perfectionism at the center of the overlapping Venn diagram of their challenges," Hendriksen told. Yet, perfectionism is a complex beast. It's often cloaked in the guise of striving for excellence, setting high standards, working hard, and caring deeply – all positive attributes. In many professions, such as piloting or brain surgery, these traits are not just beneficial but essential. However, there's a fine line between healthy ambition and the detrimental effects of perfectionism.

Hendriksen explains that perfectionism is often misunderstood. "Instead of striving to be perfect, it's really about never feeling good enough," she said. This relentless pursuit of an unattainable ideal can lead to a constant state of dissatisfaction and self-criticism. It's a cycle that many find themselves trapped in, with the belief that they are failing, falling behind, or not measuring up to their own expectations.

The roots of perfectionism are varied and deep. It can be genetic, nurtured in the family environment, or cultivated by the broader cultural context. In Western culture, where capitalism, consumerism, and social media reign supreme, the pressure to achieve and display success is ever-present. The pandemic, with its disruptions and uncertainties, only served to exacerbate this issue. "Perfectionism is essentially the result of being in an economic system that is hell-bent on exceeding human thresholds," Hendriksen said, echoing the research of psychologist Dr. Thomas Curran.

The impact of perfectionism extends far beyond the realm of personal achievement. It's a central component in many medical and mental health challenges, including eating disorders, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. It can even manifest in conditions such as migraines, erectile dysfunction, and panic attacks. For Hendriksen, the physical toll was evident in her own life. "I developed a GI illness, went through multiple rounds of physical therapy, and suffered from an overuse injury from typing too much," she said. These experiences were her body's way of signaling that the relentless pursuit of perfection was taking its toll.

So, how can we break free from the grip of perfectionism without sacrificing our drive and ambition? Hendriksen offers five insightful tips to help ease the burden:

1. Recognize Your Worth Beyond Accomplishments

"We all identify with our performance," Hendriksen said. It's natural to take pride in our achievements, whether it's acing a test, receiving a glowing job review, or perfecting a new chocolate chip cookie recipe. However, when we define ourselves solely by our performance, we fall into the trap of overevaluation. "Every performance becomes a referendum on our worth," she explained. This can lead to a rollercoaster of self-esteem, where our value fluctuates with each success or failure. Instead, Hendriksen encourages us to remember that we are so much more than our outcomes. "We are our relationships, our interests, our values, and our enjoyment of life," she said. By recognizing these aspects of ourselves, we can begin to untangle our self-worth from our achievements.

2. Take Your Critical Brain Less Seriously

Those who strive for excellence often take their commitments and responsibilities very seriously. This seriousness can spill over into our thoughts, leading us to treat self-critical thoughts as absolute truths. "When we think ‘I’m not good enough,’ or ‘I’m falling short,’ we assume those thoughts are true," Hendriksen said. However, these thoughts are just that – thoughts. They don't define our reality. Hendriksen suggests adopting a different perspective. "Take the stance of listening to your self-critical thoughts as you would listen to the music playing in the background at a coffee shop," she advised. "It’s there. You can hear it. But you don’t have to get wrapped up in it or let it yank you around." By doing so, we can begin to detach from the negative self-talk and gain a healthier mental distance.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is often described as "talking to yourself like a good friend." However, it doesn't have to be an elaborate monologue. Hendriksen suggests that self-compassion can be as simple as a single word or phrase: "‘Easy,’ ‘Gentle,’ ‘You’re OK,’” she said. It can also manifest in actions, such as taking three deep breaths, asking for help, taking a break, or savoring a cup of coffee in the morning or a novel before bed. Self-compassion is about turning toward our pain and suffering with care and understanding, asking, "What do I need? What would work for this situation?" It's about giving ourselves permission to not do everything we expect of ourselves, to skip the gym for an extra hour of sleep, or to indulge in a leisurely activity without guilt.

4. Dare to Be Unproductive

In a world that values self-improvement and productivity, it can be tempting to fill every spare moment with skill-building or personal development activities. However, Hendriksen encourages us to resist this urge. "You don’t have to build a skill, learn something new, or do something ‘good for you’ all the time," she said. Instead, engage in activities that bring you joy, not because you think you should. If reading non-fiction history makes your heart sing, then by all means, read history. If running is your passion, then run. But if you find yourself doing something out of a sense of obligation rather than enjoyment, take a step back and reflect. "Improvement and personal development are important, but so are pleasure, enjoyment, connection, and expression," Hendriksen said. So, go ahead and indulge in so-called unproductive pursuits. Read a romantic comedy, watch a gross-out comedy, or spend an hour singing to your cat. If it brings you happiness (and is safe and respectful), you're doing it right.

5. Keep High Standards, but Focus on the Work, Not Yourself

The cultural shift towards embracing imperfection offers a much-needed respite from ever-escalating standards. However, the advice to "stop when things are good enough" or "lower your standards" can feel risky and uncomfortable for many. Hendriksen suggests a different approach. "Keep your high standards, but focus on the work, not yourself," she said. Instead of viewing imperfections as a reflection of your character, adopt the mindset of a sculptor eyeing a block of marble. Ask yourself, "What would make this thing better?" "What would make the work better?" By keeping your focus squarely on the work, you can maintain your high standards without tying them to your self-worth.

In conclusion, the journey towards overcoming perfectionism is not about lowering our ambitions or settling for mediocrity. It's about finding a healthier balance, where we can strive for excellence without sacrificing our well-being. It's about recognizing our worth beyond our achievements, taking our critical thoughts less seriously, practicing self-compassion, daring to be unproductive, and focusing on the work rather than ourselves. As we navigate the challenges of the new year, let's remember that it's okay to do less and let go, even just a bit. By doing so, we may find that we're not only healthier but also happier and more fulfilled.